Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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