sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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