Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
