we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
