I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
