She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
