In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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