you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
