Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
