i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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