i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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