Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
