dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
