peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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