you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
