forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
