You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just threw up on my dentist
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
