We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She's the barista slut.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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