If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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