Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
