My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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