how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
