Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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