i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I need help removing her.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
