Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
