My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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