Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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