Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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