Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
