i wish my penis had a tongue
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
