I think im going to throw up on grandma
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
