I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
