If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize