My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
