Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
