Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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