Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
