I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
