my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
