Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
