The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
