there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
