Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
