so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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