I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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