I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
