A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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