He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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