i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize