Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
