a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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