Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
