she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
