Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
