apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
