literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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