I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
