What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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