I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
