From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
