I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
