listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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