so explain again why im purple
no
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
