I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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