You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
