The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
