whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
