I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
