I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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