I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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