so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
