Soap is not a condiment
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
