kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I touched a dick in church today
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize