How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my phone needs a breathalizer
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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