I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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