I'm really into asian looking animals
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
