I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
